Social Contract

Yes mummy, I've changed my socks. And my underpants. And my shirt. I promise to do laundry. And to eat healthily. And to not contract deadly diseases. Or to have any sexual contact.

Above is a transcript from a recent telephone conversation with my concerned, Jewish mother. Naturally, I lied through my teeth. In truth, I am a smelly diseased wreck who has impregnated more people than Genghis Khan. I wish.

Seriously, though, I plan to wash, albeit as infrequently as I can reasonably get away with.